Systems & Support

I have talked about implementing the 1% better rule, and I have touched on some of what that included for me. Today I want to dive into what else I implemented in my life. My progress did not happen overnight. I am going to share how it took time, effort, energy, and patience to get me where I am today! I will be the first to say, my journey does not stop here, it’s ongoing!

So many of us, myself included, want change to go form 0-100. It’s not that easy, nor is it realistic. If it were that easy, I wouldn’t be sitting here typing, because it would have happened effortlessly, and there would be no journey to share!

I am sharing what I have done, and what I have used to date. I believe growth is ongoing, and my 1% better rule continues to apply with ongoing changes. 

Step # 1: I had support outside my family and friends: Professional support.

Im going to back up before I was even diagnosed with epilepsy. I was really feeling the emotional taxation from working as a nurse during the pandemic. I experienced more death than I was mentally prepared for. I did not have good coping mechanisms in place at the time either. No matter how many times I experienced people passing, it made me sad. It was still someones family member, loved one, a person. Some cope with it better than others. I cried every time, and if there were no tears shed during my shift, rest assured I would cry during the car ride home. It did not always take the passing of a person to make me cry. I was beyond burnt out without recognize it, so the good work days became few and far between. 

I was accepted to take a bridging program to work in ICU, a place I knew I would be exposed to more death, dying and high acuity care. I wanted, no, I NEEDED better coping mechanisms in place to ensure I was taking care of my own health and well-being. For that reason, I reached out to a therapist. I wanted help to learn healthy coping mechanisms in traumatic situations so I could continue to be successful at my job. The weekend before I was set to start in ICU, I was put off work, and lost my drivers license, no diagnosis of epilepsy (yet). Never in a million years did I think my therapist would be helping me get through those tough times! I planned to see her for coping strategies as a nurse, now here she was helping me cope being a patient, going through an identity crisis. 

I am a HUGE believe of everything happens for a reason. A little ironic I had a meeting scheduled with before I knew I would be put off work. I was, and am forever grateful I had that meeting scheduled. It was the beginning of helping me adjust to my new life, help identify areas of my life that required more attention, and healthy coping mechanism to help me through THIS journey. My own personal healing journey. 

Step # 2: I asked for help once I recognized it was beyond low mood; it was depression. I was prescribed a low does anti-depressant with a plan for it to be evaluated after 3 months and again after 6 months.

I exhausted my resources trying to increase my mood and decrease my anxiety. Therapy, journaling (inconsistently),taking time to rest (not that I had much choice) going to the beach and spend time outside, trying to get the gym, spending time with my partner, planning little weekend get aways, trying to spend time with friends. Unfortunately, my mood became so low, and my memory shot after my diagnosis and started on the first round of medication.

I went so far to help my mental health, as to book a trip to be with family in the mountains, where my soul ALWAYS felt rejuvenated. When I got there, it was nice, don’t get me wrong, but I felt a little numb. I felt broken. I knew I wanted to feel better, I knew I COULD feel better, I just had to admit to myself it was okay I needed more/different help. I went to my doctor when I got home, told him what was going on and how I felt I needed help in the interim while I work on non-medicinal strategies to help my overall well-being. We did some assessments and he agreed. 

After a few weeks of starting the low dose antidepressant, I mainly noticed my debilitating anxiety was not as bad. I felt more comfortable leaving the apartment. I was more social come December, however I still hadn’t accepted my diagnosis, therefore I struggled to talk about it. Social gatherings were challenging and over stimulating for a long time, however that slowly dissipated as well. With time, they took full effect, and myself and those around me noticed a shift in my mood, energy and my efforts to take action towards healing. 

Step # 3: I implemented a system that helped me attain small achievable goals, which eventually compounded over time.

I find it incredibly satisfying to check off something from a list. By creating a habit tracker where I could tick off tasks as they were accomplished, not only was I DOING them, this was also producing a dopamine (the feel good transmitter) release having a positive outcome on my mood! 

December 28 is when I woke up and had enough. I was reading Atomic Habits and began to implement the 1% better principal. I made a list of things I wanted to do in the run of the day that  I procrastinated, or was neglecting completely.

I wanted my morning routine to consist of (in this order): Waking up before 8:30 am, making the bed, getting dressed, washing my face, brushing my teeth, taking my medication, drinking my greens, making my coffee then sitting down to journal (no screen time before journaling).  

Every single morning, the alarm would go off and I would not want to get up. I would have an argument in my head about how I could just get up have my coffee then do everything else. It was an ongoing, uphill battle. Each morning, my physical being, overcame my thoughts, and guess what? I ALWAYS FELT GOOD WHEN I COMPLETED MY MORNING ROUTINE!

Journaling was one of the most helpful daily tools I used. I would journal every morning religiously even if it was 1 page. After a few weeks, the tone in how I wrote shifted. To this day, I find it amazing how getting my rambling thoughts down on paper eventually shifted my thought process and helped lift my mood. At the end of each journaling session, I would (and still do) end it with a gratitude practice: 3 things I am grateful for.

People underestimate the power of a gratitude practice. There is research to support practicing gratitude, especially daily, can alter your brain chemistry. 

My afternoon routine and bedtime routine looked different, but I implemented the same system of habit tracking/checking off the to-do list. It consisted of, drinking 2L of water daily, eating breakfast lunch and dinner, reading for 20 minuets, meditating for 10 minuets, going for a walk or exercising, and practicing french. My bedtime routine consisted of, talking supplements and medications, washing my face with warm water, having sleepy time tea, brushing my teeth, turning down the bed, using the diffuser, reading in bed and a goodnight meditation. Again this may all seem like common sense, simple or silly, but to have a habit tracker in place to keep me accountable, this helped ensure I executed the tasks, not just talk or write about it. 

Not everyday was perfect. Progress, not perfection. There were somedays I stayed in bed later than 8:30 because I didn’t sleep well, and needed the rest. Sometimes I would wait to wash my face until after I ate breakfast. Lunch was often skipped, and there were certainly days where I was shy of 2L of water. One thing I made sure NOT to skip (and this caused a lot of arguments in my head) was making the bed, getting dressed for the day and having something before my morning coffee. This one non-negotiable has forever changed my mornings. 

Step # 4: I had resources and supports who had the knowledge regarding adults living with epilepsy and UTILIZED them when I needed! 

Resources were challenging for me to find. My mood and energy were low, so I didn’t have much motivation to begin with to reach out. I didn’t know anyone living with epilepsy. I didn’t know how to find support groups for adults; a lot of it seemed like it was for parents with small children. I wasn’t given anything from my neurologist when I was first diagnosed other than a prescription and a follow-up appointment. I felt lost. My mom also felt lost because she didn’t know how to help or support me during my struggles. 

My mom was the one who found the Epilepsy Association of the Maritimes. I sent off an e-mail, unknowing what to expect, but I had to try something right? 

The coordinator is who e-mailed me back. She was and still is a huge support and an amazing resource (she’s really just an overall amazing person!). She answered so many questions, provided me with an amazing amount of information, told me about an upcoming program for adults living with epilepsy. I was given the number of another adult living with epilepsy who was also an incredible support/resource. I attended (virtually) an 8 week program which provided me with more supports, information and access to resources!

I learned so much about epilepsy during these weeks. I learned a lot of about myself. I now had a community of other adults living with epilepsy. I no longer felt alone with my diagnosis, which I appreciated. 

Step # 5: I improved my systems. My old ways were no longer working. Branching out, finding what I enjoy to occupy my time, and grow during my time off work was exactly what I needed. Change can lead to growth, and changing my systems did just that.

I had goals I wanted to accomplish, but my systems to be successful were no longer serving me. I wanted to be consistent with working out, however, I talked myself out of walking in the cold to the gym almost daily, and procrastinated doing homework outs until it was bedtime. Unless someone else was going to the gym and offered me a drive, I was out. 

I wanted to be productive during the days, but with it being winter and cold I made a lot of excuses not to do anything, other than stay home, read, scroll TikTok or watch TV. 

The beginning of March, I signed up for an online course, the Integrative Health Practitioner (IHP) course. It aligned with what I am passionate about: preventative, natural, holistic health. Taking on this course gave me something to look forward to during the week. It gave me routine and consistency. I treated it like a Monday to Friday job; a few hours each day throughout the week. I loved every minuet of it! 

The end of March I started volunteering at Shanti Yoga. I was there every Wednesday so it just made sense to take the class. I had no reason or excuse to bail on this! This was a great start to getting back into a fitness groove! A few weeks later I began volunteering at Evolve Fitness, where I began attending classes as well! I would sign up for the morning classes so my partner could drop me off on his way to work! Between signing up for group fitness, my partner driving me on his way to work, my friends who also attended, and the coaching staff, I was held accountable to show up for myself! I now had not one but two systems in place to ensure I could achieve my fitness goals! 

My daily scrolling had also come to an end, now that I had the IHP course to work on. Scheduling time to work on this was one more way I began improving. It gave me a sense of purpose; learning and growth. My system of working on this Monday to Friday while my friends and family were working showed tremendous benefits. 

Step # 6: After putting steps 1-5 into place, It became time to step out of my comfort zone, but also learn how to take time for myself guilt-free. 

I became increasingly introverted during my time off from work. Partaking in the 8 week PACES online programming, going to shanti and Evolve really helped! I was more and more comfortable, and excited to go do things, like attend a hockey game, go out to dinner, hang out with friends in a small group, playing volleyball etc. 

I love to bike! My friend told me about a spin instructor course being offered and decided to look in to it! I decided to take the instructor course which forced me out of my comfort zone too (so fun and worth it though). I started a new instagram account to post about healthy lifestyle choice I have learned from my IHP course, heck I started writing a blog and sharing my story with the world! If you told me last year I was going to do all of this I would have never believed you! 

It can be overstimulating at times when there is a lot going on. It took a long time, but I finally got to the point after having a few busy days, to take some quiet time for myself. I used to be that person, if I wasn’t doing anything I must be forgetting something. It’s okay to say no to plans, it’s okay to wait an extra hour before going out to get groceries, it’s okay to take time to rest and reset. I have learned this is not being lazy or selfish. It is taking care of myself so I can put my best self out to my loved ones and to the world. 

Taking on new challenges that scare you can be the best thing you’ve ever done for yourself. Balancing that with taking time to rest and reset is just as important!

Step # 7: Doing what I love

A year ago, I would go to work for 12 hours, come home completely wiped of energy, and do this a few days in a row. My day(s) off were spent resting, cleaning, getting groceries or getting ready to go back to work for a few more days. I did very little for myself. My partner and I were always so exhausted, our quality time together was going to dinner once in a while or having dinner in our PJs on the couch before going to bed. 

I am beyond grateful I have had the opportunity to work on myself, grow as an individual and learn to love this life we are living. It took a long time to learn how to do things for myself, and doing things because I love them, not because I am supposed to be doing them. I LOVE going out to dinner with my partner, I LOVE going to yoga, I LOVE getting a good sweat session at Evolve, I LOVE learning about healthy life alternatives and trying them out, I LOVE reading a good self-help book, I LOVE being outside on a warm sunny day, I LOVE being in the mountains. I LOVE sharing my knowledge regarding health and wellness with others! 

I was and am able to do these things because I have a better overall mindset, better systems, better supports, actionable plans. I am able to go outside my comfort zone, take on new challenges but also set boundaries to take time for me. 

I have recently had the pleasure of getting to enjoy time with family in the mountains. It was amazing, and rejuvenating. The last time I was there, I was so low, I thought the mountains no longer had that magic touch on my soul. This time, the magic was back! The gratitude I have for being able to have the time to go see my family, to celebrate milestones, to go to the mountains and enjoy what nature has to offer, was absolutely, I don’t even know. It was just perfect. 

10 months ago I was stuck crying on the couch, throwing myself daily pity parties. Today I am beyond grateful I can do what I love. I have found so much joy in the little things. I am excited to continue to write this new chapter in my life. 

Until next time…

Growth is not linear. I did not get here over night. It took some long, dark months, and I had to put in the work, energy and effort to get here. I don’t regret one-second of the fight. I am fulfilled. I am looking forward to going back to work. I am excited for what the summer holds. I am excited to continue to share my journey with you. My new normal has turned out to be pretty freaking great so far! 

There is always a way to feel and be better. Maybe you need more, or different supports, professional help, new systems, finding what you love, etc. Whatever it may be, there is a way. Taking the first step is the hardest. You owe it to yourself to try, and to not give up! The bad days will still pop up, but it is how you show up the next day that matters!