Let’s Get Started!

I had already done 2 years of university, unknowingly what I wanted to do. I knew I wanted to help people, and I knew I did not want to be in school for 10+ years. Thus, my nursing journey began. May of 2016 is when I walked across the stage, accepting the most expensive piece of paper I’ll ever own.

I wrote the licensing exam and that is when the real journey began. I was officially a full fledged Registered Nurse with a long career ahead. Some of the shifts to date, let’s just say there was not enough schooling in the world that could have prepared me for it. 

Every nurse has a million stories in their back pocket. I feel we could all write a book at any point in our career. After working for a few years on different units/ different disciplines, very little surprises me anymore.  

I am not going to get in to all nitty gritty experiences of my career though (not today anyways). This story is going to flash forward. We’re going to skip ahead to get a glimpse of why I had to start thinking about the journey to my new normal.

Spring of 2022, almost summer! I was excited to finish a course to go work in the intensive care unit (ICU). Except, on the last day of the course, I ended up having to go to the emergency room. Not as a nurse, rather, as a patient. I was having multiple, what I called “episodes”, and they were becoming more and more frequent. I would have a lapse in memory, then feel like I was hungover the rest of the day (it was awful). I had been to the ER before for similar experiences, having had multiple CT scans done on my head, nothing ever showing up. They chalked them up to be, migraines, complex migraines, and then migraines with amnesia. The recent episodes though were worse; there was a headache but not a migraine. This particular visit, the Friday before I was supposed to start my new job in ICU Monday morning, they didn’t do much. My neurology exam at that time checked out. I already had an outpatient neurologist, awaiting an MRI, so they did not do one that day I presented to the ER. What did they do that day? They wrote me a note to be off work, told me I could not drive because I was at risk for getting in an accident,(ques the tears) and sent me on my way with no answers.

I was excited to start this new chapter in my life. New career opportunity. Beach days were just around the corner, being it almost summer. However, life had other plans for me; my life was now on pause.

My family doctor, and my neurologist agreed I was not safe to work as a nurse, nor was I safe to drive with the increased frequency of theses ‘episodes’. Bummed and frustrated was the understatement of the year. I have had the privilege of driving since I was 16; the part I struggled with the most, and still do struggle with. No date for an MRI yet, still having ‘episodes’, still no diagnosis. I was ready to get on with my life, but it felt like life was just knocking me down day after day.

Have you ever heard that nurses make the worst patients? This holds true for me. Whether at work or in my personal life, I like to take action, get things done, keep moving! I like to be on the go. Now, to stay home, rest/take care of myself, wait and have patience (I am not very good at that). I felt confined to my tiny apartment, unable to drive myself, not cleared to work (heck I had more independence during the pandemic!) The tears were real, persistent, and almost daily. I fell deep into the ‘woe is me’, victim mentality.

Every passing day was a rollercoaster of emotions, mainly the negative ones (anger, frustration, insecurity, doubt, impatience). My friends and family always said to reach out if I wanted to go somewhere/ needed anything. Which obviously in incredibly kind and supportive. In my head, it was a nuisance. Sprinkle a little bit of me being negative every single day, I did not want to ask for help, I did not want to be around people. Having my independance taken away to a certain degree, it was extra hard for me to ask for help; I wanted to do things for myself.  

After 3 weeks of daily pity parties, crying daily, being angry at the world just straight up being miserable, with still no MRI date, my mom found a private clinic to do one. I had an appointment for the following day to get it done! That was crazy to me! Waiting for almost a year to get an MRI to find out what is going on neurologically, and the private clinic was able to get me in the next day?!? Wow, just wow! There is of course a cost to private health care, however sometimes you just cannot put a price tag on your health. 

July 14 2022, I had a scheduled phone appointment with my neurologist to discuss the results of my MRI. I was sitting in my living room, notepad and pen on the table ready to write down everything he was about to tell me. I would like to start off by acknowledging it is not a brain tumour, not cancer, nothing life threatening, for that I am grateful.

My phone rang, and I picked up on the first ring. I was nervous. I felt sick. He began talking, and I went into nurse mode, as if I was taking report on a patient, except I was the patient. Something did in fact show up on the MRI. These neurological ‘episodes’ I was having had a name. One I don’t think I was expecting to hear. My new life-long diagnosis, the one that has pushed me towards finding My New Normal… these ‘episodes’ were seizures. I was diagnosed that day with Epilepsy.

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Until Next time…

Thank you so much for tuning in to my very first post! Journey to My New Normal, is about having been diagnosed with epilepsy later in life, the struggles I have faced along the way, how I have over come them, changes I have made in my personal life, as well as my career, to start living my best possible life. It has taken me a long time to accept my diagnosis. That is why I have chosen to write about it. There is no going back to who I once was; she no longer exists. There is only going forward. I hope you come back to learn about not only my personal journey, but some of what I have learned along the way! Maybe it will resonate with you, or someone you know. My goal is to let others know there is so much this life has to offer, and that you are never alone.  No matter where you are in life, it is never too late to move forward towards happiness.